Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Do you ever sit and just wonder how your life turned out the way it did? Don’t get me wrong I love my children to death and I’m so glad they are in my life. But I feel like I’ve just ran across this huge rock in my road of life. I keep trying to make it over and around and just every which way to get over this rock. But everything I try just keeps failing. I just recently got out of a long, hard relationship. You know the kind, the ones where you put all your love and energy into it, and end up not getting anything out of it (other than two of my three beautiful children). It seems I’ve drained all my energy on it.
So now I’m living back at home with no money, no job, no anything. I wish that I could just get out of this rut, get over this huge rock of my life. I want more than anything to be able give my babies everything they could ever want, to not have to worry about not having money. Or to stop putting stress onto the ones I love. I know some of you reading this are thinking that I’m lazy, or possibly worthless. But you have no idea what I’ve been through or the situation that I’m in. My life went downhill fast in 2013. It’s probably been the worst year of my life. So I’m trying so hard to pick up the pieces and turn it all around in 2014. I really feel like this is our year. So many things are already turning around. But it’s a very slow process. And sometimes it just gets so tiring to be so strong all the time.
If it wasn’t for my mother, I’m not sure where I would be right now. Probably still in the same tiring, energy draining relationship. I get my strength from her for sure. She’s the strongest woman I know. Sometimes I feel her disappointment in me. But she even doesn’t know my past or things I’ve been through. I’m just trying to burn all the old bad bridges, and build new better ones. Ones that help, protect, and provide for me and my little angels. I want to start over this year. I want to do things right. Even if it is a long process, I will continue on this road and wait till everything turns out right. I can find the strength inside myself. I can do this. I will do this. Things will start to look up for us.
I know everyone has hard times, and I know that things could be worse for me. And I’m very thankful for everything I have in my life. If any of you are going through a hard time, and would like to share it, please do, and know you’re not alone. I want this blog to represent the everyday mom. The struggles we face in life, and within ourselves. And the happy times, the little things our kids do that make us smile and life. All moms and women are welcome, and I hope you feel welcome.