So Confused

 

  This week has been so confusing.  I do love Chris so much but I hate the way things were when we were together.  I put so much time and energy into our relationship while he put very little, if any in.  In a perfect world I would say that we would get back together and he would have really changed like he says he has.  But I’m afraid that he hasn’t really changed for good and that he will turn back into that man he once was.  This is something that I just can’t handle or put myself through anymore.

    I think deep down in my heart he’s seen how hard it is to not have his family and is really willing to change for life.  But I’m going to have to wait till he comes home for good on the 13th to find out.  He’s going to have to prove it to me.  I will never be with another man that treats me like that.  I deserve to be treated great.  I have done a good job raising three children on my own, and picking up all the pieces with a smile on my face.  Sure I hit my bottom and I have days that are a lot harder than others, but still I’ve never given up.  

    He asked if I would ever consider moving in, and I told him no.  I want things to go slow; I don’t want to just give in.  He’s going to have to work harder this time.  For once I want to be the girl that some guy wants to take out on a date that is kind and wants to spend time with me.  I want someone to work hard to get me, I want to be the catch.  Then hopefully one day we will move in together, get engaged and then get married.  That would make me the happiest girl in the world. 

    His first test to see if he’s really changed is if he really talks to mom and apologizes to her in person.  Which I hope he does, I know as a mom she worries about me being with him.  And he hasn’t done a very good job at proving himself in the past.  So maybe this time he can get it right.  I’m not really sure how all that will go, but I guess we will find out. 

    It’s all just so confusing to me, because he is my soul mate; I can feel it deep down inside me.  Even when we break up something always brings us back together even if it’s years later, and somehow we both have the same feeling we did when we was together.  I just hope that if we do end up getting back together that he really has changed and that things will work out and be amazing!  Have any of you had any men trouble that you would like to share?